Always Here to Me
by Herminbean
Summary: Yasmin and the Doctor have some private time while everyone sleeps to have some talks about her past


**Always Here to ME**

Yaz walked down the TARDIS hallway, rubbing sleep from her eyes. Sleeping on the TARDIS was an odd experience. The Doctor said she would set the interior lighting to reflect their sleeping patterns, but still, there were some nights where it felt like she couldn't sleep at all. Yaz smiled to herself. Whenever she had referred to the lights dimming in the TARDIS as "night" the Doctor would remind her that inside here time was relative, and so the concept of night was really quite laughable. And the more Yaz thought about it, the more she realised it really was. Never the less, she, along with Ryan and Graham, were still human, and needed a consistent sleeping pattern.

Usually when Yaz struggled to sleep she'd just lay there staring up. She'd try to clear her mind, or she'd think about her family back at home. She'd wonder what they were up to. Then she'd realise that the Doctor said she could get them back the instant they left, so they weren't really "up" to anything. Not yet. Tonight, however, she decided to go for a little stroll. She always used to do that back on earth, so she figured it might help now. She just had to make note of which way she had come so she wouldn't get lost. The Doctor had said the TARDIS was infinite. She was always saying absurd things that Yaz thought could only be a joke or over exaggeration, but the more adventures she went on, the more she came to the conclusion that this most likely was not the case.

Yaz was so lost in thought, she almost missed the sound of the console room humming gently from a doorway to her left. She stopped and turned to see the beautiful crystal pillar glowing. This didn't seem right. She had walked a different way than she usually did to get here. How did she end up right where she usually did? She figured she must have just got turned around somewhere along the way and double backed on herself.

She shrugged to herself and turned to head back to her room. A cool breeze stopped her in her tracks. She turned back to the console room. Usually it was fairly warm in the console room. Where was that breeze coming from? Treading lightly, Yaz walked into the console room. It hummed gently to itself like it usually did when it wasn't in flight. She walked up to the console and looked around.

"Doctor?" She whispered. She wasn't sure why she whispered, it wasn't like she would wake up Ryan or Graham from here. Probably force of habit, she thought. Being raised in a small flat she was always extra cautious about waking people up, especially when it came to sneaking in late.

Yaz made her way round the console, still making sure to not make too much noise. The cool breeze rushed over her again, and this time Yaz could see where it was coming from. The TARDIS doors were wide open. The Doctor was sitting on the edge, her feet dangling out and her head leaning against the door frame. At first Yaz wasn't sure it was her. She hadn't seen the Doctor sit still for more than a few seconds. But even from the back, she could recognize her jacket and her short, blonde hair. Yaz approached her, hesitatingly. Was she OK?

"Doctor?" Yaz said, a bit louder.

The Doctors head shot up and she tried to spin around to see who had called her name. Her hip slipped from the TARDIS door and for a brief second it looked like she would fall. Yaz darted forward, her arm out stretched to catch her, but the Doctor grabbed the TARDIS door and pulled herself effortlessly to her feet. Her eyes were as wide as saucers until she saw Yaz.

"Yaz? Blimey, you almost gave me heart attacks." She straightened her jacket and lent against the door casually. "What you doing up?"

"I…" Yaz composed herself, lowering her arm by her side feeling a bit foolish for trying to grab the Doctor. "I couldn't sleep. Just wanted to go for a walk. Didn't mean to get here if I'm honest."

The Doctor smiled and glanced around the TARDIS. "Yeah, sounds about right. She probably didn't want you to get lost or find one of her more private rooms."

Yaz had grown accustom to the Doctor talking about this machine like it was a person, but for some reason, now it was just the two of them, Yaz almost felt like the TARDIS was watching them. She rubbed her arm awkwardly.

"I didn't mean to intrude."

"Don't be silly." The Doctor beamed at her. "How could Yaz intrude? Not possible I say."

"Good." Yaz smiled slightly. The Doctor always had a way of making her feel much more comfortable, no matter how awkward things got.

The Doctor spun back to the open doors and sat back down. She patted the space next to her. "Join me?"

Yaz looked unsure. She tried to peer over the edge from where she was. "Is it safe?"

The Doctor gave her another cheeky smile. "Have you ever known it to be?"

Yaz grinned. She had a point. All the dangers they had faced it felt a bit silly to be afraid of simply sitting down. She walked over to the doorway and carefully lowered herself down, draping her feet over the edge. They felt nothing but air beneath them. She kept hold of the door gently and waggled her legs back and forth.

"So, where are we?" When Yaz looked out at the view, it was clear there was a planet below them. They were within its atmosphere, Yaz could see buildings below them. For as far as the eye could see, buildings stretching up to the sky. It was hard to make out much else, as the planet seemed to be experiencing its night time as well.

The Doctor looked down at the planet. "Fifty second century. This is the Library."

Yaz looked across at the expanse of buildings. "Which one?"

"The planet. The planet is the Library."

Yaz looked at the Doctor to try and see if she was being serious. She never knew why she bothered, she could never read the Doctor, and she could usually read people very well. She had to in the police.

"For real? The whole planet?"

"Impressive, eh?" The Doctor smiled at Yaz and turned back to the expanse. "There's a lot of words down there. All of them mixed up in different orders to create different emotional responses. Amazing when you think a whole planet isn't enough to carry every story that can be told."

It had been a while since Yaz had read a book. She did on earth a lot, but when her new room was basically a doorway to ceaseless adventure, reading seemed to be quite low on the to-do list. Thinking about it now, however, she realised she missed it.

"Can we go down?" She asked excitedly. She didn't care what time it artificially was, a planet of books was too good to pass up.

"Aah, if only. It's not our planet though."

"Are any of the planets we visit "our" planet?" Yaz asked, confused.

The Doctor laughed. "Good point." She leant over and looked down. It gave Yaz vertigo just watching how far the Doctor dare lean out. "I've got a promise to keep though. This is their forest, and we are not welcome."

Yaz frowned. It was almost as if the Doctor had answered a different question entirely, but she knew it was pointless to press the issue. Basically, they couldn't go down, that was the important thing.

"If we can't go down, then why are we here?"

The Doctor smiled, but not her usual beaming smile. This smile was filled with sadness. "Oh, I'm just visiting her."

"Her?" Yaz looked down. "Her who?"

"My wife."

Of all the crazy things that the Doctor had said, this one surprised Yaz the most. Her head was spinning with questions. Yet her befuddled mind could only come out with one.

"Your wife?" She spluttered.

The Doctor stared blankly out at the view. "This is her final resting place. She gave her life. I didn't know it at the time, but she would become one of the most important people in my life. She taught me much. She brought me happiness. And then she died."

Yaz still had many questions, but they took a backseat when she heard the Doctor speaking. "I'm…I'm sorry."

The Doctor turned to Yaz and gave her a warm smile. "It's OK. We had many amazing moments. And they're all up here." She tapped her head gently. "Like a friend of mine once said, a life is just memories."

Yaz smiled back at the Doctor. There was much she wanted to ask her, but the same question kept coming to her mind. "So…you're into girls?"

"Of course." The Doctor scrunched her face into a frown and looked up, thinking. "At least, I was. Honestly, it's hard to keep track. Big changes, big rules. Sometimes I'm not into anyone."

Whenever the Doctor talked about her being different in the past, Yaz wondered what she meant. The conversation usually moved on so quickly however that she never got the chance to ask. She could ask about it now, but she was more interested in who the Doctor was right now.

"So, do you think you are now?" Yas asked, looking down at her dangling feet.

"Are what?" The Doctor asked. Sometimes her lack of attention infuriated Yaz, especially when it came to things she cared so much about.

"Into girls?" Yaz said, still fixated on her dangling legs.

The Doctor took a while to respond. Yaz eventually broke eye contact with her feet and looked up at the Doctor. She was deep in thought, her face scrunched up in that way she did when she was formulating a plan. Finally, she broke the silence.

"I dunno." She shrugged nonchalantly.

Yaz let a small laugh escape. She wasn't sure if it was nerves or whether she genuinely found the Doctors cluelessness funny. She went back to looking at her feet.

"It's OK." She said. "I know what it's like to be confused."

"Oh, I wouldn't say I was confused." The Doctor looked out at the dark expanse. "I mean, it's more I never thought about it before. And I guess I won't until I get the feeling. Asking someone if they will like a certain someone, guy or gal, in the future right now without knowing what will happen is asking them to see the future." The Doctor grinned. "And even though I have the TARDIS, my own future is funnily enough something I tend to avoid."

Yaz wasn't sure if that was confirmation, a rejection or just a side step of the whole conversation. Either way, the Doctor said it in such a lovely way, it didn't seem to matter to her. She grinned back at the Doctor.

"Your wife was lucky to have you."

The Doctor curled her lips into her mouth and nodded furiously. "She certainly was, not that she'd ever admit it."

The two shared a chuckle, and looked back over the Library. For a few minutes, the sat in silence, enjoying the cool night air and the peacefulness of the planet. The silence seemed to drive into Yaz, and she felt her eyes getting heavy. Her head nodded for a second, and it almost felt like she had fallen from the TARDIS. She jumped slightly, and realised she had barely moved. The Doctor was looking at her concerned. Yaz felt her cheeks rush with embarrassment.

"I…I think I should go to bed." She said, forcing back a yawn

The Doctor exhaled a sigh of relief. "Oh, you're tired. Thank goodness, I thought it was a brain parasite."

Yaz laughed. The Doctor never seemed to get tired, and always seemed concerned when any of her human crew got sleepy. Yaz pulled herself to her feet carefully.

"Good night Doctor."

"You got it, Yaz." The Doctor smiled at her, then looked back out of the TARDIS.

Yaz took a few steps and turned back to look at the Doctor. She was already back in her own little world. Yaz smiled to herself and shook her head silently. Somehow, even when everything was calm, and no one was trying to destroy them in some way, Yaz still couldn't bring herself to have the important conversations she was desperate to have. Quietly, she walked out of the console room, leaving the Doctor and her wife alone.


End file.
